True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
