Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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