I just saw a hot homeless man
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
