So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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