Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
