Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
