I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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