I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
