Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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