Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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