The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
