did you get engaged???
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
