You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
