Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
