btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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