the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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