There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
