What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
