My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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