So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
