After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
