i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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