If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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