New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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