Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
