Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
