oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
handjob tips. give me some.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
