do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's always time for handjobs
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
