You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
