She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
