"it" just moved
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
