i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why do cheetos always look like penises
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
