dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize