the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize