last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We got so high we made milksteak
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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