Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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