How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
