like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
