Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
