I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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