I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
