Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
