whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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