I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
