he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
