How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
