You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
