On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
