He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
