I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
