I CAN MOONWALK!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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