I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
