hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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