WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
