Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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