So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
