I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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