I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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