you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are the jesus of drinking
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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