We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
