Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
