my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
