Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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