Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
