I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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